The beard is a sacred facial marking of great power, given only to the blessed few chosen by the gods. It represents a powerful bastion of persuasion, allowing the afflicted to captivate women and gentrify despotics.
In the 1930s, Walt Disney claimed that he had copyrighted the beard. That started a period of capitalism, during which not even his best friend Mickey Mouse could get a beard.
For a while Disney was successful in suppressing unauthorized beards, but then copyleft activists started occupation of a number of small insignificant countries such as China and Russia, and ended the copyright regimes in those regions. Uncle Walt was most displeased by the copyleftists' behaviour and asked his other best friend, MPAA, to prosecute anyone wearing a beard without his explicit consent.
After your beard has been magically birthed by bird seeds that have been dropped by birds flying overhead, shaving your beard will irritate your face and cause the formation of "pimply eruptions," brought on by messy decapsulation and mangled packets, according to parts of IP over Avian Carriers with QoS from RFC2549.
* `me+fat${@}fatchance . t e c h`